Body shaming myself…

I am guilty of body shaming myself. I work out when I can, but I don’t necessarily have a good diet. I’m a girl who likes my cookies, Pepsi, and bread.  You know, all the things that are unhealthy for you. (I even gave all this up for 3 months and no results) Yes they are okay in small portions but sometimes I eat just because it makes me feel better. I might not be hungry, but something in my brain is saying: eat that, its okay.

I have been trying to get healthier and lose weight ever since January 1st. I know, a terrible time to start a new diet or exercise regime. But this is the time that it really hit me, I had gained a lot of weight and I did not like it. I have not weighed this much since I was pregnant with my last son. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I have been faithfully working out since then. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen the results that I would have liked to have seen by now. The weight has not gone down, but I have never felt stronger than I do right now (thank you yoga!)

My husband says I am crazy to focus so much on my weight and focus more on how I feel. Yes that is all fine and dandy if I could let it go. It has seriously been instilled into my brain that women need to be a certain weight, shape and look. I honestly have never fit anything normal, but damn it did I try! I was anorexic all through high school and weighed 105 and still hated myself. I never found myself skinny, when I looked in the mirror all I seen was what was wrong with myself. It is totally wrong and I know that I need to learn to love myself but it is so hard when we grow up with a society of people telling us how to look, what size we should be or what is acceptable to be beautiful in this world. I am so thankful for those companies like Dove that stood up and used women of all shapes and sizes to be their models. And Calvin Klein who used a size 10 model instead of their normal size 0-2. Truly inspiring!

I have been sick this past week with a cold. Trying to take care of myself and all three boys has been rough. I splurged and ate whatever I wanted because it made me feel better. We ate out a lot because Daddy was at baseball and I was sickly not wanting to make dinner. So feeling like a fat cow today, I weighed myself… Why in the hell did I do that for??? I have gained 6 pounds and it makes me physically, emotionally and mentally sick. I hate myself for it and I shouldn’t, I have been sick. Its okay to not be able to work out everyday and its okay to splurge every once in a while but why does my weight have to fluctuate the way it does! I hate hearing about how people can stop drinking pop and lose 10 lbs in a month seriously not fair lol. My husband is one of those people ! 😉

Sorry about the rant but I know I’m not the only one out there body shaming myself. My mom does it too. My husband says that is where I got it from! It’s always easier to blame someone else for your problems but seriously when it comes down to it, it is my fault that I body shame myself. I always forget to be thankful for the body that grew and gave life to three beautiful baby boys. My wonderful body has gained and lost 150 lbs over the past 7 years. This is a reminder not only to myself but any readers out there….love your body and take care of yourself. Even with a weight gain setback it’s not the end of the world. Believe me when I say my normal workout routine is on the schedule and the alarm is set for 5am tomorrow morning.

Good luck ladies and gentleman and God speed! 🙂

Images courtesy of http://www.elle.com and http://www.news.com.au

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